AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
It's not a coincidence that most women:
- Experience stress over what they eat and how much they exercise.
- Start hating their bodies before grade school is even over.
- Invest in cosmetics, injections, laser treatments or surgery to try to achieve or maintain a particular appearance.
- Struggle to feel attractive and desirable, especially as they age (and especially if they are women of color, fat women, alternately-abled women, or part of any other disadvantaged group).
It’s because sexism has gotten inside your brain - and in particular, the subliminal message you have been shown every day every which way is this:
What matters most about a woman is how she looks. No matter what.
Of course, you don’t believe that CONSCIOUSLY. But subconsciously? That thought is there, and it’s real. And it’s having a real impact on your life.
BECAUSE THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE.
You think the thoughts, and they seem like they are YOUR thoughts.
But they aren’t. They are messages from a poison bottle that you don’t know how to recognize or change. All of the political action in the world isn’t going to change that. And what happens?
- You think of your body as a frenemy - or even an enemy - who won’t quite cooperate.
- You shy away from stepping up as a leader because you don’t want to be seen.
- You have sex with the lights off, or you don’t have sex at all, because you want to hide your body.
- You spend too much time and brain energy worrying about how you look, feeling guilty about what you ate, or stressing about how much you exercised.
- You care more about what other people think than what you think, even of yourself.
- You stay in relationships that aren’t working for way too long.
- You play small in ways that impact your whole life.
In short, you try to keep yourself looking as small, as young, as conventionally acceptable as possible, all to win some prize that never comes. Most of the time, it feels terrible.
AND WHEN WE ARE UNFULFILLED, WHAT DO WE DO TO FEEL BETTER?
We spend money and time on sh*t that don’t help us actually feel differently in the long-run. Listen, I love a good splurge at Sephora as much as anyone else. But a new lipstick isn’t going to solve my confidence problem when that problem is caused by my thought that I’m not pretty enough to be loved, right?
The truth is that your body and your appearance are always changing - and that age comes for us all.
So if you are depending on looking a certain way for your self-esteem, you’re building that foundation on quicksand.
You have to learn to love the body that you have now, the way it is - so that you can love every body you have in the future too.
First, you learn how to love your body. Because self-love is what makes everything else in your life possible.
AND ONCE YOU LOVE YOUR BODY, YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF.
The patriarchy has benefitted long enough from your self-doubt and insecurity. It’s time to take back your power, and that starts in your brain.
- Not caring if your boss is happy with you, because you are 100% happy with yourself and you don’t need to control what other people think about you to sleep at night.
- Not caring about how fast your love interest texts you back, because you feel so confident about your desirability that it doesn’t even cross your mind to feel insecure.
- Not feeling guilty as a working mom because you know you’re doing an amazing job balancing all your responsibilities, and you’re able to be present and enjoy each part of your life while you’re in it.
- Knowing deep in your bones you can handle whatever life throws at you. Keeping your cool no matter how much everyone around you is freaking out. No matter what.
It’s the community of women you didn’t know existed and can’t live without.
I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I LIVED IT.
I went to the fanciest of schools (Harvard and Yale, in fact), I marched in all the protests, I racked up every brass ring that was out there for me (hello judicial clerkship, academic fellowships, and feminist awards). And I still felt terrible.
- I pretended to be confident but I was horribly anxious at any sign that anyone might be displeased with me.
- I claimed conventional marriage was outdated but was desperate for a romantic relationship to validate me so I could just feel normal.
- I knew that the media was making me feel terrible about my body but I couldn’t stop hoping that if I just lost 20 pounds all my dreams would come true.
Eventually, in my quest to feel better (and let’s be honest, to “fix” myself because I still thought I needed fixing), I discovered the mind-blowing combination of body positivity and cognitive coaching.
Step by step, I changed my own body image.
I went from body-loathing to body-loving.
I went from feeling out of control around food to feeling peaceful with what I eat.
I went from “should”ing myself about exercise (and usually ending up on the couch) to moving my body naturally in ways that feel good.
I went from not wanting to take my clothes off during sex to walking around naked with the lights on in front of my partners without a second thought.
THIS TRANSFORMATION CHANGED EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE.
So I got certified as a life coach, and then as a master coach, by the best coaching school in the world. And now I teach this work to women just like you.
The biggest difference between my work and other “body positive” coaching is that I understand that women deserve more than aspirational affirmations they don’t actually believe.
They need – we ALL need – concrete effective help getting negative social messages out of their brains for good.
Knowing intellectually about diet culture doesn’t translate into self-acceptance or self-love. We have to know how to actually change the way we FEEL to change ourselves, and the world.
THE WORLD IS ALWAYS COMING AT YOU, WITH NEW CHALLENGES.
Because the world is always going to be trying to profit off making you feel bad about yourself.
The diet industry alone is a 68 billion dollar a year industry in the US alone. SIXTY EIGHT BILLION. Are you f*cking kidding me? What a goddamn waste of money, time, and human potential.
You can solve your confidence problem once and for all for a fraction of what you’ll spend on diet cookbooks, cleanses, and weight loss programs over the course of your life. And unlike diets, which are scientifically proven to always fail, this sh*t works.
WHEN YOU CHANGE YOUR BODY IMAGE, YOU FREE UP YOUR ENERGY TO CHANGE THE WORLD.
My UnF*ck Your Body Image Booster Pack, which is chock-full of concrete tools and practices you can start using immediately – and keep using every day – until you truly feel like the hottest thing on the block.
THE CLUTCH SELF COACHING SHORTCUT
The UnF*ck Your Brain Model, a self-coaching tool you learn when you join to help you change your thoughts about your body one by one - which makes healthy habits easier too.
BONUS PODCAST LIBRARY
A library of over 90 exclusive Q&A podcasts ONLY available to Clutch members that help you apply the teachings to real-world situations in your own life.
The chance to apply for LIVE coaching from me every month on a video coaching call and learn from watching me coach other women with brains just like yours.
Coaches hand-trained by yours truly on call to answer all your coaching and thought work questions so you can get the most transformation possible out of the tools you are learning.
24/7 access to a Facebook community of like-minded women, who are all committed to evolution, growth, and empowerment and are excited to trade ideas, discuss this work, and help you apply it to your own life.
GOOD BECAUSE THERE IS MORE.
Not only do you get all of the incredible teaching, learning, and support that is going to become an indispensable part of your self-care routine described above, you ALSO get these amazing bonus resources once you've finished your five-week introductory Clutch self-coaching course:
Work Stress Solution
My Work Stress Solution, which teaches you how to deal with the most common stressful aspects of your work life so you can kick ass at the office.
Dating Stress Solution
My Dating Stress Solution, which teaches you how to handle texting, first dates, ghosting, breakups, and every other part of dating without losing your cool or your mind.
Body Image Roadmap
My step-by-step guide to body love, that will teach you how to make use of the tools in the Clutch to fall in love with your body exactly as it is.
Recommended Reading List
My recommended reading list, full of great books and resources that I have vetted and know are teaching only helpful ideas and tools and nothing that is going to hold you back without you knowing it.
UnF*ck Your Brain Podcast Workbook
The UnF*ck Your Brain Podcast Workbook, with exercises specific to the most important and popular episodes that have already been released.
How to Get Really F*cking Organized Course
A bonus course that will teach you the exact process you can use to revolutionize your personal and professional life. Not only will you learn a foolproof system to organize your life, you’ll also learn how to deal with any obstacles your brain creates for you along the way. Oh yeah, and it will save you hours a week. Seriously.
The fine print: Your membership will renew every month – thank goodness! – so you never miss out on any of the amazing breakthroughs that are in store for you. You can cancel at any time to avoid being billed for the next month. There are no refunds. Because you won’t want one.
After a month in the Clutch you’ll start noticing that you just feel…a bit more chill.
Your emotions aren’t so much of a rollercoaster. You’re getting more done and starting to feel more confident about your abilities and your worth. You’re a little nicer to yourself. You’re spending less time scrolling Instagram feeling bad about yourself, and more time blowing your own mind with thought work in the Clutch Facebook group.
After two months in the Clutch you’ll realize it’s been a while since you took sh*t personally.
Suddenly, without quite knowing how it happened, you just feel less judgmental of yourself and everyone around you. You won’t get freaked out when something unexpected happens, because you know you can handle it. You catch your reflection in the mirror and surprise yourself by thinking “damn girl, looking good!” You have more patience with yourself and those around you.
After three months in the Clutch, your brain starts coaching itself.
You’re naturally and effortlessly thinking more positive, productive, and helpful thoughts, and when you look back at your thoughts from month 1, you don’t even recognize some of them anymore. Your relationship with food and exercise are healthy and mellow. You actually like how you look most of the time.
And the effects ripple out into the rest of your life: You show up at work as the bad-ass you always knew you could be. You show up in your personal life as the magnetic, loving, and happy woman you always wanted to be. And most importantly you’re excited for the future, because you are so proud of the work you’ve already done that you can’t wait to find out where managing your mind and the Clutch are going to take you next!
And after that? The sky is the limit. And the one thing you know for sure is that the Clutch will be there to help you get wherever you want to go.