THE BUSINESS OF DATING
What do businesses and dating have in common? (I promise this isn’t a set up for a terrible joke.)
They both require massive action and experiencing a ton of rejection to get what you want.
And yet, we cling to an idea that both dating and business are supposed to just work magically, and that if they don’t, there’s something wrong and we – or everything else – are broken.
If you have a sales-based business and you don’t have the client base you want, you probably think that you’re a failure or that people just don’t want to hire you.
If you’re trying to find a partner and you don’t have the relationship you want, you probably believe that there’s something wrong with you or that other people don’t want to spend time with you.
In both cases, you’re telling yourself that either you’re wrong or they are wrong. But guess what? No one is wrong.
You just haven’t done what it takes to succeed.
You haven’t made enough offers – and whether it’s an offer to hire you or to go on a date with you, it works exactly the same way.
I know this sounds crazy, but stay with me.
It makes sense that the more you put yourself out there, the more people you meet, the better chance you have to make a sale or get a date, right? It’s common sense. So why aren’t you doing it?
Rejection. Or rather, what your mind believes rejection means about you.
Rejection itself is just a feeling – a sensation in your body.
But in your brain, when you do make an offer and the person doesn’t want to buy from you or go on a date with you, you believe it means something terrible about you. You feel like you are going to die from the shame and humiliation of rejection.
So in order to succeed in your business or in dating, you have to be able to reframe and deal with rejection. Your problem hearing no is because you think you should always be hearing yes and you make it mean something about yourself – your product, your services, your sales skills, or yourself as a person or partner – when you hear no. But if you understood that hearing no is a crucial part of the process, you wouldn’t take it so personally and you wouldn’t make it mean anything about you.
So let’s destigmatize rejection a bit. Because here’s the thing about rejection – it isn’t even always rejection! And usually, what your brain interprets as rejection has nothing to do with you.
Why didn’t someone buy your services? Your brain’s answer is always because you aren’t good enough and no one wants what you’re selling.
But what are some other explanations?
Maybe they didn’t need your services. Maybe they didn’t see the value. Maybe their thoughts about money told them they couldn’t afford it. Maybe they were scared they would fail and didn’t want to try.
What do all those reasons have in common? They are caused by the thoughts in their brains. Those thoughts have nothing to do with you.
Why didn’t someone want to go on a second date with you? Your brain is probably shouting “because you’re unattractive and unloveable and you’re going to die alone!” Right?
But what are some other explanations?
Maybe they didn’t experience chemical attraction because your immune systems don’t match up in the way they need to. Maybe they’re not over their ex. Maybe you remind them of their 3rd grade teacher.
What does any of that have to do with you? Nothing!
And even if the person SAYS it has something to do with you – it’s still not true. It has to do with their own thoughts, which you don’t control and aren’t even about you.
Here’s the truth: if you don’t have what you want, it’s because you are not taking the action required to get it. And if you keep taking rejection personally and making it mean something about you, you never will.
Take some time today to think about what it would be like to build a business, or pursue your career, or find love, if you didn’t take a single thing that happened personally.
If you believed you would succeed and get what you wanted as long as you kept taking action until you got it.
If you understood that you have to make a certain number of offers and hear no a certain number of times to ever get closer to a yes.
Now go out there and make some offers. Hear some no’s. Try again. Because every no you hear is one step closer to that yes you want.